Mid-School Life Crisis
by cartoonsforlife1314
Summary: Can Mabel keep a secret for a month? (I recommend reading Stictionary first...it'll make more sense)
1. Secrets?

I love the smell of the cafeteria in the morning. Well, no I don't, but I wanted to say I loved the smell of something in the morning, and I just happened to be in the cafeteria.

The cafeteria in the morning smells like old meat loaf and moldy mashed potatoes.

But all disgusting smells aside, the cafeteria is a great place. Yes, the lunches are terrible, and all taste like Dipper's gym socks. And yes, it's filthy. However, since we're at different intelligence levels, it is the one place where I get to share a class with my bro.

Eighth grade is much harder than seventh. And praise the heavenly pigs controlling the universe that Jeremy's at a different school 'cuz he's in high school now.

"So, Dippingsauce…" I say, poking my brother in the face.

"Mabel, could you try poking me with a finger that DOESN'T have ketchup on it?" he asks me, taking a (slightly used) napkin and wiping off the ketchup.

"Sorry. What's up in your classes, bro? The gossip? Who likes who stuff? INFORM ME OF THE NEWS." I say, widening my eyeballs and getting oddly close to his face.

He takes a hand and pushes my face away, and then says, "I don't know. Honestly, I don't care."

"Oooh…somebody's got a cruuuuush!" I say, teasing him.

"Gah. Mabel, stop." he says, which means that he totally does.

"Is she pretty? She'd better not be prettier than me." I say, pretending to be Pacifica-y. He doesn't laugh. "Why arent'cha laughing, bro-bro? Did I do something?"

He looks at me, probably seeing the anxiousness in my eyes for his answer, and says "It's not you. It's my stupid teacher. She gave me so. much. homework."

"DIP! Fun More, Stress Less!" I say.

"That doesn't even make sense!" he replies, looking back at his homework. Yeesh. Somebody's crushing HARD.

A girl comes over and sits at our table. "Hey, Dipper." she says. Oh. My. GOODNESS. (I've gotten rid of the 'crappy' habit…hahaha pun intended)

She's pretty. Short blonde, big glasses…she looks like someone he would like.

"Hi, Regina." he says, looking back down. I put my hand under his chin and prop his head up. "TALK." I say.

"Is this your girlfriend?" she asks. I stick my tongue out.

"I'm his sister." I say. "I'm five minutes and 14 seconds older. You the girl that my baby brother's cru-" I start, and he puts a hand over my mouth. I try licking it but he's become immune to that habit. Darn.

"So you're here because…" he says. Oh my gosh! How rude. I gotta give him politeness lessons.

"I thought we were going over our English homework." she says, clearly startled by the rudeness.

"Okay." he says. He implies that I should leave, therefore I stay seated. He's left-handed - he can't keep his hand over my mouth forever.

"Mabel…can I have a minute?" he says. I wiggle my eyebrows up and down many times.

"Suuuuuuure…you can have a minuteeeeeeee." I say, and I want to begin to make kissing noises but I can control myself…

I walk over to a random table of sixth graders and say "Sooooo…what's up, you guys? What's the sixth grade gossip? Tell me everything."

They're all looking at me like I came over from Jupiter and not three lunch tables to the right.

"You're an eighth grader." one brave little girl says. I nod and give them a big braces-filled smile.

"Why are you here?" a boy asks.

"Can't a girl hang with her new sixth grade buds?" I ask.

"Who are you?" he asks me.

"I'm Mabel. " I say. "Who are you?"

"I'm Ross." he says, scooting away from me.

"Well, Ross, have you ever…uh…gotten a sticker from an eighth grader?" I ask, pulling out my infamous pink sticker-covered book.

"No." he says. I pull out a sticker with an adorable kitten on it and put it on his forehead.

"There ya go!" I say, walking back over to my table. I think it's been about 60 seconds.

"Man, sixth graders are really awkward." I say as I sit down, and then my mouth drops open.

They were kissing?

Well, either that or something equally embarrassing for me to interrupt because they're bright red.

"And the forms of figurative language are…" he says, clearing his throat.

"Personification, Alliteration, blah blah blah blah blah…" she says.

Welllp, I'm gonna fail the next English quiz.

"Mabel…" Dip says again. I get the hint, and go back over to the table of Ross and company.

"Did you get kicked out of your table group?" Ross asks me. I nod.

"Can I braid your hair?" a girl asks. She tells me her name is Belle.

I nod again.

Soon enough, my hair is braided and the sixth graders are COVERED in stickers. And my brother's still talking with that girl.

I've learned the sixth graders' names, and I'm not as creepy as they thought I was at first.

The lunch bell rings. "Bye, Belle, Ross, Andy, Addy, wait, don't tell me…Rochelle, Phil, and Fiona." I say, pointing to each when I say their name.

Yes. 100% on the sixth grade name quiz goes to Mabel Pines!

I'm standing my my locker when I get the brilliant idea to go talk to my brother. His locker's really only six away from mine so that's good.

"Hey, Dippingsauce." I say. He groans.

"Hi, Mabel."

"So, what was up with that girl?" I ask. He sighs.

"Regina needed English help. So I helped her." he says.

"Did you kiss her?" I ask. Okay, seems intrusive, I KNOW. But I must know.

"What? No. Why would I?" he says.

"You did!" I say. "Tell me!"

"Mabel, really, it was just Math." he says. I realize his mistake a nanosecond before he does.

"You said it was English!" I announce. "You just wanted me to leave so you could KISS HER without me knowing!"

"Mabel, really, it's not li-"

"OH MY GOD! MY BROTHER KISSED A GIRL!" I tell the school. He pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Come on, seriously? Does Canada have to know too?" he asks. He's turning red again…haha.

"Nope, bro, just Mom and Dad!" I say. "And Candy, and Grenda, and Wendy…ooh, I've got to make a few phone calls, excuse me a sec."

"Mabel. Can you please just keep this one thing a secret?" he asks. "Please?"

"You don't want everyone to know?" I ask. Now I'm confused.

"No, I don't. This is why I wanted you to move tables. You can't keep your mouth shut." he says.

"Hey, I resent that. I can totally keep a secret." I say. "Those sixth graders were really weird about me sitting at their table, by the way."

"I challenge you to keep this one for a month." he says. "If you do I'll give you five bucks."

"You're on." I say.

I can so do this.


	2. HAM-let

"Hey girl, what's up?" Kirsten asks. Oh why, dear pigs, is this so HARD?

"Nothin'. Just chillin'. Fluorescent lighting." I say. She looks at me weirdly. Well, there is fluorescent lighting on the ceiling.

"Are you okay?" she asks. Of course not! I have to keep a suuuuuuper juicy gossip secret to myself!

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say. "Actually no, I'm totally not. I really need to pee." I say, running full-speed to the nearest bathroom.

Okay, I totally lied. But if I stayed there, I would have to tell her, and Kirsten is known for spreading gossip. Dipper would hear about it within three minutes, except the story would be changed because Kirsten would have found it boring. When it got to him it would be that they were making out under the bleachers after the high school football guys beat him up or something.

I can't believe that I agreed to this. It's so difficult for me. I mean, besides Kirsten, I'm the bubbliest bee with the gossip news. I know I can't keep a secret! I mean, seriously. Even with a death penalty, I'll still burst like an oversized purple glittery bubble.

Out of all the people on the planet, Dip knows me the best. And he should know that he can't trust me with this secret!

But I need five dollars desperately. When I was practicing for the play tryouts I accidentally knocked over a lamp and I've already got a few dollars in the fund to replace it before Mom notices. Plus I'm an eighth grade girl. Five bucks may not seem like much but to me it's HEAVENLY.

Welllllllll…this just got super awkward. I'm in the GUYS' bathroom…whoops. Just smile and wave…and get out of here.

I've got to tell someone. What about that random fifth-grader who just came out of the bathroom stall? Nah, that might be a bit creepy.

"Hey, guess what?" I say to the kid, smiling. He looks at me and runs out of the bathroom screaming.

I'm not that scary. Right?

"Mabel, it's CREEPY for a girl to be in the guy's bathroom. And you smiled? Oh God…"

I defend myself by burying my head in my giant sweater and saying "It's not that weird."

"You have no idea how weird it is." Dip tells me. We're at home discussing my mishap of the day. "So have you blabbed yet?" he says.

"No sirree. My lips are sealed…and so are yours." I say, smiling. He groans, knowing what will come next. "With a KISS!"

"I don't believe that you haven't said anything. Not even to Kirsten?" he says.

"Bro, if I told Kirsten, you would know." I say.

"Fair point." he says. He knows about Kirsten's gossip habits.

"I'm totally lip-locked. Take the key and eat it if you've gotta." I say, mimicking zipping my lips shut, locking them, and handing him an invisible key.

"There's nothing there." he says. I take the key back and unlock and unzip my lips.

"I could say the same about your imagination."

"You can be MEAN!" he says. "And when you're mean, Mabel, I know your weaknesses."

He scoots closer to me and begins to tickle me.

"Stop! Please, for the love of heavenly pigs, STOP!" I cry out. He just laughs along with me and I begin on the ticking.

Eventually our parents mistake this for a fight, since we're rolling around and jokingly calling each other names and stuff so we're separated and put in our own dungeon cells. The princess and the prince are sad, having tragically been separated from their sibling. The damsel was in distress, crying into her multiple petticoats, wondering when she would see her beloved brother again, as she peered out the window in the tower…

Sorry. Random fairytale tangent. But they did pull us apart and say to stop fighting.

I should continue that! Maybe my English teacher would let me turn that in for my project…

Nope. We're reading Hamlet, and we've gotta do a big project to show what we learned, so I'm dressing up Waddles and calling it "HAM-let, an interpretation of the Shakespearean play by Mabel."

Dip says that's stupid. But what does he know?


	3. Piggyback!

A week and a day into this thingy-and a the same amount of time sitting with Ross and the rest of those adorable little sixth graders (I tried calling them the "six-ers" but that doesn't really work, plus some of the people here have really messed up minds! Thtupid brathes…) can really mess with a girl's head.

I've been giving Dip his "personal space" or whatever he calls it, but I can't stay from my brother for extensive amounts of time. He's my Dippingsauce! And my Mabel Fries are a little bit sad.

So he shouldn't be surprised when I run up behind him and jump on his back at lunch, announcing "PIGGYBACK TIME, BROSEPH!" But he was. And he kinda seemed…oh, I dunno…embarrassed. But hey, that's my big sister job.

"Mabel, what the heck?" he says, pushing me off. I make a puppy-dog face, to imply my level of sadness. It deeply hurts that piggyback rides aren't legal in the world where Dip's the cop. "Sorry." he says, and I think it's for me until he says "Excuse me a second," and pulls me out into the hall.

"What do you think you're doing?" he says, looking me directly in the eyes for a half-second and then glancing over his shoulder to see if someone's watching, which they're NOT!

"I don't think. I know." I say, crossing my arms and closing my eyes. Can he see that I'm not really angry?

"Fine. Let me re-phrase. WHY would you do that?" he says. He knows that I'm going to peek to see if his nose is doing that silly Rudolph thing.

"Because." I say, not allowing him the courtesy of an answer. I hear the facepalm.

"Mabel." he says, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Please."

I do end up peeking, and open my eyes all the way. He looks almost…sad. AWWWWWWWW. I shall now use this for my advantage. After all, sibling rivalries are like the Hunger Games. You steal all the food in the fridge and put it under your bed, and when the other sibling's hungry they come to you. Although, that didn't work out too well when I found out that ice-cream-pops need to be refrigerated.

"Okedy dokedy, broseph-y-pokedy." I say, poking his nose. "Boop."

"You're a dork." he says.

"No no no, dear brother. You are a dork." I reply. "I am the queen of Awesomelandia."

"Sure, dork." he says, poking my nose like I always do to him, and walking away.

Ahh, the crazy aura chases all evil spirits away. We're totally in the "chill zone". Now I want ice cream.

I contemplate another piggyback ride but decide it's for the best if I don't chase him down to attack him with a display of my sisterly love at the moment.

"HEY!" I hear, and there's a pink-fingered hand on my shoulder. "So, what's the scoop this week? DISH."

Kirsten.

"Oh, ya know…not all that much." I say. She looks at me.

"Mabel Pines, the queen of gossip, has nothing?" she says. I sheepishly smile. Sheepishly. I love that word. It sounds so…fluffy.

"Well." I say.

"Well. Well, well, well." Kirsten says, twirling a piece of her hair. I smile.

"That's a pretty deep well." I say. And then it hits me. I'm keeping a big secret from her. It wouldn't be THAT bad if I told her, right? It's not like she's gonna tell anyone…

Oh, who am I kidding. She's worse at secrets than me. Speaking of the heroine, I'm literally biting my tongue to keep from telling her.

Saved by the bell.

THE BELL OF DOOM.


End file.
